Thursday, January 27, 2011

What's Up With Me

I haven't written much worthy of reading lately. I've been in a bit of a cocoon, trying to make some personal decisions and listen to God's direction for my life. Sometimes when I'm feeling restless and bored, I wonder if it's something I should struggle through or if it may be a signal that it's time for me to move on to something else.

You see, I love being a cheerleader for women and girls. Whenever I think about using and teaching creative expression to minister to women and girls, my heart beats a little faster. Sometimes I can't even sleep at night because my mind is bombarded with so many ideas for the little ministry I call Soul Arts.

But to quit my job at the pregnancy center to focus on my own art and see where God takes Soul Arts seems a little bit scary to me. I fear that I will regret it, that I won't be able to self-motivate, that I will fill my time with other obligations and still not follow my passions, that I will be crippled by self-doubt or depression or loneliness. It's never a simple solution.

Now, the irony is that if I were coaching a client with the same issues, I would cheer them on to following their bliss! Whatever it is that keeps you awake at night with excitement and joy is definitely a gift, and it is coming from God. I would encourage that same client to press in to God and stay in His word every single day without fail, and He will sustain you through the tough times of self-criticism and isolation. If that didn't spark the client into chasing her dreams, then I might even suggest laying out a fleece for a clear sign from God. (I've never done this myself, but it worked for Gideon!)

But it's easy to see someone else's potential. Possibilities are endless until they demand I make a big decision that affects a lot of other people.

So, that's why I've been a woman of few words lately. I will get back on the blogging wagon soon!


Godess55 said...

Take your time we understand :)

Jennevieve said...

I think the things you worry about are normal and doesn't mean you aren't ready for challenges. Even non artist types wonder all the time if what they are doing is "right"--This may sound boring, but if money is what is stopping you from jumping head first into a new art career, start by making a business plan. This can keep you focused during those times you can't work on art as much as you like. It has helped me immensely! Good luck!

Jessi said...

Ok Lori - I am going to be honest with you... when I hired you at the PRC, I totally knew you had the kind of spirit that thrived in the "newness" of something. You would be in your element. You would be excited and you would excell. I hired you knowing that the "newness" would not always be there and you would probably decided to leave (and really, who stays in jobs forever anymore??). So I hired you, knowing that I might get you for maybe 1, maybe 2 years and then God might call you somewhere else. And that is FINE. Go after your dreams!!!